OPINION: When Enduring Trials, We Must Keep Our Eyes On The Lord

This past Sunday was my first participation at Mass in a month, due to the fact that I have been too sick to attend. I've never been so long without Mass or Holy Communion in all of my 10 years back in the Church.

What I know now is how much I missed the Lord in HIS Blessed Sacrament, and to not, hopefully, ever take Him for granted! I have made spiritual communions, which are very efficacious and have prayed many a prayer, mostly for family, loved ones and friends and brothers and sisters in war torn regions and those being brutally tortured have not been ignored during this time. I pray for peace in the world. I pray for peace in our hearts and homes.

Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you always." Well, this I know ... HE IS! But does that mean I "feel" His Presence 'all of the time in tangible ways?' No. It does not. When I pray, does He always speak to me in ways I can 'sense?' No. He does not. That is where 'faith' comes in. Faith is the 'substance' of things 'hoped for' and the evidence of things not seen, as described in Hebrews 11:1.

So, what have I 'hoped for?' Well, yes, healing of pneumonia, but more than that, a true healing of my heart, the wounds that are in my heart and those of my family. Wounds that we all have given ourselves and others. Sometimes out of selfishness or pride or just being fallen and stumbling human beings. Have I seen a 'change' in things? No. Will I soon? Maybe, but probably not. Is that a 'negative confession?

No. It's that what I am realizing more and more, without being able to receive the Blessed Sacrament, as often as I was, is that it's harder, apart from the grace of that Sacrament, to be patient. Not that I was growing in patience all that well when going to Mass more frequently, but that I know for a fact, in this 'dark night' without even the Blessed Sacrament received as often, that THAT is when I HAVE prayed more for and about, to be more focused not on 'results' but on HIM. Not on His gifts, but on Him. I have been and will continue to be a 'beggar' ... for His Mercy, for myself, and for those I love who at this time, aren't even asking Him for anything.

I now realize how that Sacrament does work INSIDE us and help us grow in virtues that we need to aspire to holiness which will one day unite us with all the Holy Angels, and Saints, Our Blessed Mother and most of ALL, JESUS!

When one is sick, physically, and can't get out for nearly a month, you do realize what is MOST important. It's NOTHING other than keeping our eyes on the "prize." Keeping them on Jesus, His mercy, His forgiveness, His love, His magnanimous love. When the temptations come to fear about this or that, or to focus on the hurt in our hearts and the ones who hurt or disappoint us, that is to lose a precious gift ... HIS PEACE. (by the way, we should never give ANYONE that much power in our lives. That power belongs to God alone.

Anyone that can rob us of His Peace, we have made into an idol. I pray to not give anyone that much power anymore! I've been reading and praying in the mornings all this month, but most of all the past week, since feeling a little better every day, having had a 'little more rest' at night with less coughing, less wheezing and such.

What I've come to (hopefully) accept is ALL that comes to us as being FROM GOD, not the devil. The devil cannot do anything to us that GOD DOES NOT ALLOW him to do! Think of that! Then don't be so quick to just 'get rid' of every suffering, every trial, every pain, whether physical or spiritual or emotional. You are going to experience ALL of life and that means ALL of the 'good, the bad, and the ugly.' It is how we ACCEPT things, (not to the point of being masochistic by any means) as coming FROM GOD FIRST.

HE is the one, our Teacher, our Rabbi, who is using ALL MEANS to INSTRUCT us on our own, particular journey toward HIM. But it's not a 'me and my Jesus' ONLY journey! It is our journey IN and WITH the FAMILY of God. Never just my 'own personal relationship' where I can 'dictate' how it will be! No! We are NOT in control and we do not KNOW and we do not NEED to know everything!

I also know that as much as I LOVE Jesus in the Eucharist, there are people in this world who will NEVER have the opportunity to receive Him as much as I have had. That is sobering. And ironically, I know that when I am not able to go to Mass to receive our Lord in the Eucharist, I have to really thank Him, even for that, because it makes me know just how PRECIOUS that gift of Him, our 'true food and true drink' is!

May I never take that Gift for granted ever again.

I've got nothing at all profound to say. No mystic experiences to reveal. I've prayed more the past month, than I WAS praying, and for that I am grateful. When I couldn't get my breath and walked slowly around in the house one night for about an hour, all I could do was pray, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I love you, save souls." That was my prayer. I prayed it over and over.

Was it 'vain repetition?' Oh, NO, you can be sure it was NOT! When or if I hear anyone tell me what their concept of "vain repetition is" and it has the least, remotest 'anti-Catholic' bias or 'anti-formal or written prayers' they'd better not be too close to me! Or, they MIGHT find a 'Joan Crawford' slap right across their face! (Not really ... but ... no promises!)

I know without a shadow of a doubt that when I am deplete of my own 'spontaneity' for prayer, then the Apostle's Creed, the Psalms, the Hail Mary, the Memorare, or any 'composed' prayers by the Saints of the Church, or the OUR FATHER -- (that being how JESUS HIMSELF told us to *pray!*) is JUST AS EFFICACIOUS as anything my feeble or disgruntled heart might come up with on it's own to pray, just to be considered 'free thinking.' I am GRATEFUL for all of the 'formal prayers' of the Church! They DO accomplish the 'job' if you will!

I got caught up in my own pain many a moment and sometimes many a day this past month, but that showed me how 'self-absorbed' I still am and how much I STILL NEED GOD and HIS SON and my MOTHER, MARY! That's a GOOD THING! Not to become 'discouraged' about my faults, but to KEEP ON KEEPING ON, one tiny step at a time, til I reach my Goal, Christ Jesus. That I HAVE TO LET GO of my disappointments, no matter how much they seem to 'weigh' me down ... give ALL to GOD and keep 'pressing on' ... praying more and really, THANKING Him for ALL things. This life is not to be a 'merry walk through the tulips' but it is a LONG, PAINFUL slog!

Saint Bernadette was not promised 'happiness' in this life, only in the next. That came to me a few times. Happiness and holiness are one and the same, and she lived a VERY HOLY life, but still, did not 'arrive' and her days were not filled to the brim with 'happiness' ... but very many trials and sufferings. We can strive for happiness, but what we can't do is EQUATE it with 'pleasure!" I've a lot to learn yet, and He has shown me through this time of pneumonia that it is HE who will 'pick the method,' not I. I tend to choose the more 'easy' less painful route. How about you?

God bless us, everyone.

#opinion